15 Reasons Why I Hate Boston

I had the misfortune of spending most of 2008 in this crappy city and I can tell you like most (or all) transplants the experience of living in Boston are thoroughly unpleasant. Here are 15 Reasons Why I Hate Boston:

1. Terrible public transportation. Boston Globe calculates that the Boston train is the worst in the U.S. with a 20% tardy rate. But they fail to count the number of times the train comes too early. And buses can be worse sometimes. They've been known to come over an hour late or not at all. And don't get me started on Haitian cab drivers. Unlike the train and bus workers, who are surly beyond belief, the Haitian cab drivers can be friendly, but shiesty, and many times incompetent.

2. Dunkin Donuts everywhere. Wherever you are in MA you're never more than 5 miles away from the nearest Dunkin Donut. That store is a rip-off. The prices fluctuate from store to store. The Dunkin Donut on Market Street in Lynn charges donuts for 69 cents, but the one a few blocks down, on Western Avenue, charges 95 cents. How does that work?

3. High cost of living. Everywhere in the country people have to deal with the high cost of living, but in MA it's extremely overpriced. For all the inconveniences he has to deal with, why should an MA resident pay $900 for a cramped studio in Gloucester?

4. Boston natives hate transplants. Although some natives seem to be okay with transplants, I got the feeling that many hated transplants. On citydate forum, I once read a Boston native say, "I have no problems with Bostonians. It's the transplants I hate". That's idiotic because it's the transplants who give Boston it's name. If it wasn't for people from around the world going to Boston to enroll in its overrated schools then MA would be considered just another backwater New England state like Maine or Vermont (even though it is anyway).

5. Ugly accent. This is pretty self-explanatory. It's damn near impossible to find some idiot who is gonna say he actually likes the accent. I've known people who moved outta MA and left because they didn't want their kids to get the stupid accent (among other reasons). Some American accents are just dumb-sounding, some are just irritating, but the Boston accent is both stupid and irritating. I nearly got into a fight with a Bostonian because I asked him how Boston men got it up when trying to have sex with a Boston woman with a thick accent.

6. Rude customer service. Whether you're taking the subway, going to Shaw's, or any other place, you're gonna have to deal with terrible customer service. It's all attitude, attitude, attitude. And you're just there to ask a simple question. The thing about it is that many customer service reps are overly rude in order to hide their stupidity. Stupidity amongst the MA working class is pervasive.

7. Terrible housing. Old, dilapidated apartments with crappy heating, no garages, and a bunch of other hassles is something you got to watch out for in MA. There is a lot of junky places to live that aren't worth have as much as they're selling it for but is overpriced merely because it's "historical" and "colonial".

8. Confusing street layout. If you're driving in MA and you're from a place that actually has competent people in charge of city planning, then you're going to be confused as crap in MA. You'll find yourself at 4-way intersections with no street signs to tell you what street you're on or crossing, or even find yourself going down a "street" that is nothing more than a back alley. 1-way streets are constantly changing directions, street names are being changed endlessly, and you'll encounter road construction that fixes nothing.

9. Average-looking people. I'm not asking them to be the hottest of the hot, but I noticed MA women are the most average-looking or bottom of the barrel type of chicks on the planet. And to worsen the situation, they are also stuck-up, humorless, and boring. Women who transfer to MA tell me the men aren't better either.

10. Constant misery. Within a week of living in Boston, after you're done marvelling at the historical architecture, you start to feel a general gloom weighing down upon you like a sack of potatoes. Even the most cheery person realizes maybe all the warnings they heard and read from people who lived in that state were actually true, and Boston is a miserable place to live. You try to shake it off but it sticks to you like a rash. And even though you try to put effort into making your existence in MA bearable, it just seems like way too much effort and maybe it would be best to call it quits and move on.

11. Bigotry. For a city that has a reputation for being socially liberal, it's strange how there's so much racism. That's what shocks everyone who goes there. The constant racism is unbelievable that it can't help but seem sickening and hypocritical.

12. Everything closes by midnight. In a town that tries to show itself to the world as being some sort of cosmopolitan metropolis, Boston can't help but be nothing more than a provincial dungheap. And that shows in the fact that most shops start closing up by eleven, and the city feels eerily dead by midnight.

13. Crappy dating scene. It's supposed to be a college town, which means there are single young folks all around, so why do longtime MA residents say things such as, "If you're single in Boston then you'd might as well kill yourself?". Maybe it's because everyone is too busy being cold, racist pricks to actually enjoy life.

14. Terrible drivers. People who cut you off and wave, people who drive on the shoulder, people who drive on your tail in the slow lane, all those people are trying to say, "Welcome to our wonderful city".

15. It's boring. It's damn near impossible to refute this fact. Boston is an extremely boring town. No nightlife, no hot chicks, no cool people, few interesting things to see, nothing. After a day of being in the city you can't help but ask, "Is this it?". And you get this feeling of depression when you realize you've packed up and moved to the most overrated, overpriced city in Northeast America. That's when the misery starts.

That's my list. I'm damn sure there are people who are thinking about or are heading to Boston and have read my list and thought, "Boston can't be all that bad". Wait until you're stuck there. Then you'll realize it's actually much worse.

If Chris Brown lived in Boston he'd hate it too.