10 Reasons Why I Hate Florida

These are the Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Florida and Why Florida Sucks:

10. Golf courses. Because Florida is mainly old people there are golf courses everywhere. If you're in Florida you're always within a five mile radius of a golf course.

9. Crappy drivers. You've either got the comatose old folks behind the wheel who drive 10 mph below the speed limit (max) or the crazy, reckless jerks who pull the craziest stunts and then flick you off for being in their way.

8. Stupid/Rude people. It seems like it's a requirement that if you're from Florida, or if you live in Florida, that you have to be an ignorant jerkoff. People in Florida love to cough without covering their mouths; fart in front of you when you're standing in line behind them; give you an ugly look when you greet them; and play their music extra loud when you ask them to lower it, among other annoying thhings.

7. Humidity. If you live in Florida then prepare to be stuck inside for most of the year. Humidity doesn't even let off at night. I remember it being midnight in Tampa and I took off my T-shirt and it was soaked from sweat because of all the brain-frying humidity.

6. Bugs. Palmetto bugs, mosquitoes, cockroaches three times the size of your big toe. Yep, when you see these things then you'll hear the words, "Welcome to Florida" whispered sarcastically in your ear.

5. Bad economy. People with good degrees can't expect to get anything aside from customer service or something marginally better. The employers are cheap and Florida relies heavily on tourism. Kids graduate from high school knowing that it's highly unlikely they'll be able to find anything good as far as employment goes in that state.

4. Tornadoes/tropical storms. These things go on for months on end. And they just make life miserable.

3. Weird crime/criminals. Turn on the news and you might hear a news anchor talk about another weird crime in Florida like, "Tonight our top story involves a toothless man stabbing his girlfriend to death with a spork because she ate the last of his sardines. But first a story about a junior high crossing guard that was beaten to death by a disgruntled mailman with a plastic light saber." And those kind of weird stories happen in Florida all the time. Florida grows the weirdest criminals. And if that wasn't bad enough, many criminals from other parts of the U.S. seem to be drawn to Florida like magnets. It's no wonder shows like Cops, America's Most Wanted, and To Catch a Predator are constantly filmed in Florida.

2. Snotty rich people. Damn near everyone in Florida who is rich is a snob. The crappy economy gives them an excuse to pay their employees a pittance, and they look down on people who don't have as much as them.

1. Cultureless. That's the first thing I noticed when I arrived in Florida. It's cultureless. Nothing. Just chain stores and golf courses. Much of America is cultureless but Florida takes it to new heights.

In short, I hate Florida.



Oh, and usual, shot out to my homie Chris Brown. Woo-hoo! You still better than all the haters, Chris!